were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
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