i just snorted my name. best moment ever
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
Randomize