So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
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