I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
