I should be sponsored by Trojan
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
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