he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
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