party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
My Higher Power is John Stamos
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
I love having hate sex.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
I need a burrito and a hug.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
