DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Randomize
