Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
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