I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
Randomize
