I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Randomize
