Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
