I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
