I can text with my tongue
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
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