Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
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