So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
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