I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
Randomize
