Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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