I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
Randomize
