Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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