If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
PS: I just woke up from my shower
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Randomize
