i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
I just want to make out with him forever
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
