Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
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