Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
Randomize
