Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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