Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
