I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
