Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
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