Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
