wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Randomize
