youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize