the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Randomize
