Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
Randomize
