Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
Randomize
