Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
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