I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
Randomize