I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
It's like God shit irony all over that family
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
