Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
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