what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
there is puke in my bra ... again
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
