Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Randomize
