He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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