I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
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