If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
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