I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
She swung at the pinata with crutches
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
