apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Randomize
