I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Randomize
