Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
