A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
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