Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
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