The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
Randomize