I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
Randomize
