Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
Randomize
