On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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