I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
