sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
