So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Randomize