he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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