I think i sorta joined a cult last night
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
