My room smells like vodka and shame
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
