His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Randomize
