then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
Randomize
