Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
Randomize
