Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
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