i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
