my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Randomize
