I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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