I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
