That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
Randomize
