you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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