oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
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