I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
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