somebody snuck up and got me drunk
Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
