Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize