Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
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