the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
