We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Randomize
