I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
