You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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