I just threw up on my dentist
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize
