I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Randomize
