in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
Randomize
