I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
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