I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
Randomize
