I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
you win again, gameday.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Randomize
