OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
be right there i have to get my cape
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize
