Fine. I'll sleep in my office
I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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