My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
Randomize