I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
Randomize
