I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
Randomize
