a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize