let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
I use my feet as sexual weapons
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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