Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
We had to coat check the pizza.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
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